Yeah, I got nothing. Nothing Warcraft or parenting related, anyway. At least, not yet.
There are a million things going on in my head right now. Thanksgiving prep, taking my car in for maintenance, making sure my daughter is taken care of while I go insane taking care of all this stuff tomorrow… You know, the usual. And then yesterday, I had to go and open my stupid trap and say something, well, stupid. And now I’m in deep kodo poo.
Once I got past the self-loathing and neatly put away my desires to hurt myself for the moment, my brain, of course, makes the association between married life and rep grinding. Take the Steamwheedle Cartel, for example. You decide to attack one of the bruisers and, boom, there goes some of your rep. Likewise, you say something stupid and make your spouse mad, there goes your rep.
It’s incredibly hard to maintain rep when you have a baby mixed in with everything. You know how I said I have a million things that I’m thinking about? Yeah, I feel like I, mentally, don’t have time to do all the things I need to do– let alone have time to do the things I want to do. That thought, by itself, is enough to make my body say, “Haha, see ya, sucker! You’re on your own!”
Sometimes, when I think about it, I no longer think of my days as, “I need to do…” but as, “We need to…” I kind of miss planning my days according to me. Now I have to keep to the baby’s schedule and, sometimes, my husband’s. For example, tomorrow I have to take my car in for routine maintenance work. Sounds simple enough, right? My husband just got his done the other week after work, no biggie. But me? I have to drop my daughter off at my in-laws’ (who are incredibly nice people and love it when they get the chance to babysit her), take out the car seat from my car, take my car up to the dealership, drop it off, pick up the loaner car, go back to my in-laws’, install the car seat, pick up my daughter for lunch and a nap, pray my car is done by the afternoon, and then I start all over again when the car is done. Why? Because I’d rather not have to uninstall/install the car seat at the car place with my daughter hanging off of my arm and/or running off into mischief.
I feel exhausted just typing all of that out. And a dozen voices chorus, “Not enough mana. Not enough energy. Need more rage. Not enough focus.”
In fact, every time I think to myself, “No big deal,” a bunch of other little details pop up and suddenly a “simple” errand is not so simple anymore. It’s like jinxing it or something.
You wouldn’t think adding one person– a tiny, miniature person at that– would cause such a difference in the seemingly smallest of tasks. But it does! I used to think that the helpless, unmoving, infant-in-the-carrier stage was the worst, that I couldn’t wait until my daughter was able to stand and walk on her own. Now I’m petrified she’s going to wander off into danger because, “Stand right here and don’t move!” sounds boring to her, no matter how many times I say it or how enthusiastically I advertise it.
With all that in mind, it’s easy to lose yourself and easier, still, to lose sight of your relationship with your spouse. When you do your dailies in-game, you’re working toward a tangible goal, whether it’s a mount or piece of armor or something else. In life, it’s much different; it’s tending to a constant ebb and flow of good times and bad times. And while one person can handily disrupt the balance (-cough- like me), it takes both people to restore it.
Here’s to hoping the grind back to “friendly” isn’t too bad. Meanwhile, I need to find myself some +intellect gear so I can prevent doing or saying something stupid again, especially with the holidays coming up and my brain getting further mired in tons of tiny details that will, inevitably, allow me to do/say something stupid. Or, better yet, I could use the additional intellect to help me think of ways to NOT lose sight of myself, my husband, and our relationship in the midst of the holiday madness! Hey, there was a time when hunters used intellect, okay?