If I Only Had…

… The abilities of my hunter to use as a parent.

The other day, I think I successfully pulled off a misdirect to my husband. You see, the little one likes chasing me around the house (another hunter skill at work, mind you: kiting); she thinks me pretending to be scared of her, “running” with my arms in the air is hilarious. But I was starting to get sick with a cold and got really tired very quickly. So, I picked up the toys that my husband uses for a little game they play together, handed it to my daughter, and said, “Go find Daddy!” Then, off she went to find Daddy, giving me a few moment’s rest. It’s a good thing, too, because my husband is also the main tank for our guild and raids. He can handle himself for a minute or two, right?

This also came in handy for the past couple of weeks while trying to write my short story in the midst of juggling a bunch of other things. The story, by the way, is done and has been submitted to Blizzard as of last Wednesday afternoon. I had a great time writing and editing it. My friends are amazing and kind people who gave me incredible feedback and did an awesome job catching my mistakes. Regardless of whether I place in the contest or not, it was a journey well worth the effort.

Anyway… It’s absolutely astonishing how toddlers can cause so much thought interference by doing simple things like screaming (for no particular reason) or banging things on furniture or walls. You’d think I’ve deprived my child of toys and pleasures and entertainment but no… She just prefers other entertainment. Like driving Mommy mad.

Feign Death: I’d imagine that pretending to be dead would either freak my daughter out or cause her much merriment (in same way that me “running scared” causes her to laugh). But, much like the misdirection trick, it would convince her that Mommy’s all out of fun and she’d seek entertainment elsewhere, hopefully somewhere non-destructive like her toys. And, it would be a handy power nap!

Tranquilizing Shot: My husband and I like to call our daughter’s tantrums as hitting the “baby enrage timer.” From my other posts about dealing with a less-than-happy baby in public, you could see how tranq shot would be more than handy. Poof! We have a calm baby again! Trying to entertain– and even appease– a calm, non-screaming baby is infinitely easier, if for nothing else than trying to think on your feet without interference.

Freezing Trap: It’s like the ultimate time-out. Forget the chair in the corner or sending the kid to her room. No, no. You get to be in an ice cube for the next minute or so. No fidgeting, no playing with your other toys, nothing. Just you and your thoughts and some time. Talk about taking away all distractions.

Track Humanoids: Admittedly, I don’t let my daughter out of sight unless we’re in the house or she’s with someone I trust (being my husband, my parents in law, or my mom). But for the more confident and adventurous, or those with older kids, tracking could be handy to have. And outside of the parental scope, have you tried finding someone or something you’ve never seen before? Just use tracking and find the right tag! Huzzah!

Deterrence: No matter how many poopy diapers you change, nothing helps you get past the smell of them. As I was changing her daily poopy diaper just now, I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great if the smell was a spell effect I could avoid by popping deterrence?” Then it led to other things I’d like to “deter”: cramps, PMS, fatigue, crazy drivers on the freeway who think 80MPH is slow, weight gain…

Master’s Call: There are some of us who remember there used to be a time when playing outside with your friends wasn’t too dangerous. Then your mom could poke her head out of the house and call you to dinner. That’s the ultimate master’s call: the Mother’s Call… No matter where you are, you can call out to your child and they will instantaneously come running back to you. She won’t ask for five more minutes or plead to finish her game. No, instantaneous. It doesn’t help that my brother in law jokingly refers to babies as “pet humans.”

Scare Beast: This makes me think of my mom. She’s deathly afraid of dogs, especially large dogs. Once, she was walking to the store with my brother– who was an infant at the time and I wasn’t even conceived yet– when they were accosted by a large dog. According to her, it wanted nothing more than to take a bite out of my brother. So my mom made herself look as big and intimidating as possible to make the dog submit. And this is where the ability would come in handy. Anything from scaring off bears and other animals on a camping trip to making your neighbor’s unruly dog behave for once.

I could keep going with this list if I expanded to the other classes in WoW. It’s all wishful thinking but there are stories where people have actually used similar “spells” of their characters. In the news, a year or so ago, a boy saved his brother from a rampaging buck in the forest by flinging a rock at it and then pretending to be dead while his brother ran for help. That, right there, is a combination of distracting shot and feign death! And he even told reporters that he owed the tactic to World of Warcraft.

So the next time someone says video games are useless, you can tell them all sorts of ways that you’ve used the game’s lessons to help yourself in every day life, even if you have to tweak them a little and they’re not quite as effective.


About Toriah the Mom

Mom, quasi-librarian, gamer, writer
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8 Responses to If I Only Had…

  1. Ratshag says:

    It’s probablies a good thing what you ain’t lookin’ at Warlock spells and thinkin’ “oooh, that’d be handy!”

  2. Jessie Carey says:

    Estee, I would KILL to have some of those to use with Connor! ;)

  3. Could you view the Pet as having a handy fluffy friend for the child that comes and goes as you please? Although maybe that is a bit odd for mage pets, scary for warlocks, and downright evil for the DK pets.
    The days of working in child care have me wanting a group stun like a Warrior too.

    • That is actually a really good idea… A built-in babysitter!

      Mage pet guarantees you’ll never be dehydrated; warlock pets… well… But ghouls! They might go to pieces but they’re really good guys deep down inside.

  4. Draccus says:

    Grats on submitting a short story that hopefully will win, ahead of time. If not please post following BlizzCon so we all can read it.

    As for using WoW abilities in real life. I cannot begin to share how many times I have wanted to Root someone and walk up and laugh at them as I walked away. And who has not desired a nice pool of Tranquility to pop up in those stressful moments.

    Another great post as always.

    • Thank you, Draccus!
      /tar Draccus

      You are very kind :) I’m still trying to find an excuse to use your “baby in diapers cause wipe” line, by the way. lol

      I’ll find a non-profiting site to post the story (since it’s now Blizzard’s property, technically) and make sure I link it. Druid abilities would be awesome in real life, if not for anything but shifting into bear form when someone threatens you– regardless of your spec!

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